For the first time since I have been single again (break was at the end of February) I have STOPPED trying to date. I think I was using constant dating and dating apps as a way to cope with feeling unwanted, unattractive, and rejected. I hoped from one almost relationship to the next, picking them apart because I knew my heart wasn’t in it.
It has now been three weeks since I swore off dating. And I feel more at peace than ever before.
My nights a slightly more boring, but as I gear up for the 10k I am running in December, it is giving me more time to focus on myself.
Isn’t is strange how a relationship can suck everything out of you? The confidence you once had. Your ability to open up to new people and how to love yourself.
At this point in my life I long for a lasting relationship and marriage and *gasp* children.
I don’t know if it is truly worth it anymore. I am leaving it up God to push me in the right direction. If it is meant to be it will happen. No more going out and seeking so hard.
I am grateful for my last relationship. I learned so much. But I also put so much of my energy into it and I am not ready to do the same thing. Hopefully one day I will feel up to it again.
My Mom and I walked in the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure over the weekend.