Friendsgiving

As much as I love Christmas, Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. A lot of my friends who moved away come home during this time,  people aren’t tired of the holidays yet and who doesn’t love a reason to binge eat?

I attended my first Thanksgiving/ Friendsgiving event last night. My lovely friend Monica, hosted at her and her boyfriend’s condo. They moved all the furniture out of the living room and brought in small tables and we decorated them with candle holders, baby pumpkins and votives.

There were different groups of people there but we all came together to say thanks for our friendships and this beautiful town we live in.


Potluck for days

I made my famous deviled eggs… which of course I completely forgot to take a photo of. It amazes me how people think they are hard to make. It’s my go to for potlucks because it’s very rare that people won’t like them. I made 20 eggs total, split in twos and they were all gone! 


The damage

I’m finally feeling more into the holiday season and last nights get together really pumped me up for it.

A few posts back I spoke of how I was dreading this holiday or lack there of. I worked up the courage to tell my mom that I really wanted a holiday since we haven’t had one in four years. She actually agreed and has started making tons of plans. Although this season will be sad (due to my stepfathers death earlier this year) I think staying busy will make it better for her.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to you all!

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What Does It Mean When A Ghost Returns?

Three months ago I went out for dinner and drinks with a 26 year old. He was super tall, cute and made me laugh. A lot.

When we met up I told myself to have low expectations, for one: because of our age difference and two: because I always feel like I’m not attractive. I didn’t really get the vibe he was that into it but after dinner he suggested we go downtown to the roof of the Madison.

It was still warm so the breeze was perfect and the view of the Mighty Mississippi was breathtaking. I had my second drink and then they shut the bar down. He suggested we go to Sillly Goose, a bar that I find mostly douche bags hang out in. I was hesitant until he said the people watching is amazing there, so I agreed.

We perched ourselves on a couch and began giving voices to the strangers around us. At this point I was still thinking things were platonic so I was able to be more myself than ever. We laughed and laughed. And as midnight grew closer he put his hand on my leg. I was surprised but I didn’t move it.

Shortly after he leaned in for a kiss and we didn’t stop kissing for a good hour. He drove me home but we stayed in the car and made out for a while. Very PG rated but it was hot. He walked me to the door and pinned me against it, not ready for me to escape. I told him I wasn’t ready for anything physical and he said maybe we could go out the next night.

We talked the following day. Both hungover and watching Netflix’s from our own apartments. He said he wasn’t feeling like do anything that even but he would let me know later in the week.

Four days passed and I heard nothing. My feelings were bruised slightly so I decided to check in and say hi.

No response.

The next day I tried again. Same outcome.

I sent him one last text, “Kaleb, it’s ok. I totally get it. You really aren’t that into me. I’m a grown woman and can handle it. I wish you well and hope you enjoy living in Memphis. Take care.”

I washed my hands of it and the next week I started dating Alex. It honestly sucked a bit but not too much. I guarded my heart by having low expectations. I deleted him off snapchat and went on with my life.

And then two weeks ago out of the blue he added me on snapchat again.

I was confused. Maybe he accidently hit the add all contacts. So I deleted him again. He added me back.

He sent me snap asked if I had taken the job where I was interviewing at.  I confirmed. He works for a prospect of one of my coworkers. I had two open seats at a table for this large function people in my industry attend the next week so I asked him if his two bosses would be interested but he said that weren’t. He then came back and said if he wasn’t flying to Atlanta for the week he would have come with me.

Two days past and then this.

“Sorry for being an ass earlier and going silent. It was dumb and I shouldn’t have. I just wanted to tell you.”

I was surprised. I waited for a while before responding. This was the first time someone who ghosted me apologized. I later accepted his apology. What else should I have done?

I wouldn’t mind hanging out with him again. I am firm in my no dating status at the moment, but I did have so much fun with him last time. I am hosting my company’s suite at the Memphis Grizzlies game this Saturday and I had an extra ticket. I told him and asked if he would come. He said he would love to and is looking forward to it.

The week will tell if he actually shows up.

What do you think of all of this?

Have any of you been ghosted only to resurrected?
  Pictures from last week:

Me and Monica at Port Night 

My beautiful friend caroline at her wedding. I sang two songs during the ceremony.

Attended the Carrie Underwood concert on Sunday night. 

Peace

For the first time since I have been single again (break was at the end of February) I have STOPPED trying to date. I think I was using constant dating and dating apps as a way to cope with feeling unwanted, unattractive, and rejected. I hoped from one almost relationship to the next, picking them apart because I knew my heart wasn’t in it.

It has now been three weeks since I swore off dating. And I feel more at peace than ever before.

My nights a slightly more boring, but as I gear up for the 10k I am running in December, it is giving me more time to focus on myself.

Isn’t is strange how a relationship can suck everything out of you? The confidence you once had. Your ability to open up to new people and how to love yourself.

At this point in my life I long for a lasting relationship and marriage and *gasp* children.

BUT

I don’t know if it is truly worth it anymore. I am leaving it up God to push me in the right direction. If it is meant to be it will happen. No more going out and seeking so hard.

I am grateful for my last relationship. I learned so much. But I also put so much of my energy into it and I am not ready to do the same thing. Hopefully one day I will feel up to it again.

 

 

 

My Mom and I walked in the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure over the weekend.