I should be happy 

A good friend of mine just got engaged. I should be thrilled and I am…

But she and her fiancé started dating a month after me and my ex. And I can’t help but think that’s where he and I should be. And wish for it every day. 

I’m so jealous of her and happy at the same time. 

Mr. Douche-Brag

I don’t really think of myself as actively looking to date. However…. The boredom of being single has led me to continue my search for the single man, even when I know the picking’s are slim.

I am still only on Bumble. I find Tinder is crawling with even more hook up driven men than before. And they always tend to be around the age of 26. I always find it fascinating when I am matched with one of these characters. And mostly for me, I do it just to see… not really because I think its going to work out. But what I find fascinating is that they want to “hook up” or “get to know me better.” Yes, I am beautiful, and have a good job… but I am on the Eve of 32 and when I was 26 there is no way I was looking to date someone in their 30s.

This leads me to Mr. Douche-Brag

I don’t even remember swiping right on his profile. For one he is blonde, blue eyed… two things I don’t find attractive when mixed together. His photos showed him playing lacrosse (snobby by default) and pictures with his sisters and mom. I didn’t write to him the first 24 hours, so when he chose his one shot and give me another 24 hours to respond, I decided, “Why Not!”

I said hi and soon found myself in very uncomfortable and annoyed place. This guy begins by telling me he makes 6 figures.

BIG F’ING WHOOP.

If I wanted to be with a rich man, I have already had my chance, someone better looking, taller and even with brown hair. But I am not a gold digger…

Then he tells me that he technically lives in DC, but works here during the week only to go home on the weekends.

I wrote back, “So you live a double life I see.”

Oh no. I was in correct. He only worked here because the money was so good but his friends were back in DC.

“Why not just move to Memphis?”

“I like DC better.”

“Then get a job in DC.”

“They pay me so much and they pay for me to stay in a hotel.”

DUDE. Why the hell would I want to start a relationship with someone who lives at the Marriott?

I didn’t respond for a while, because I was talking to my sister on the phone. When I come back, I have paragraphs on paragraphs of his life history. How he played lacrosse in college,  his parents live on a yacht in the Caribbean, and sports is his one true love, but not to worry, he is 6 feet tall so he should pass my height rule.

insert image of blank faced emojie

I still don’t respond. And then he said “Well, let’s see if you can pass my make or break it. Do you likes sports…as in do you play or enjoy watching sports.”

I thought about deleting him right then. But what is the fun in that.

“I do enjoy watching the Memphis Grizzlies at the FedEx Forum. But when it comes to all other sports, if I am not there in person, I do not like to watch them. I do not find it enticing nor fun to sit on a couch and watch hours upon hours of sports. I don’t own a television because I don’t like to waste my life away in that way. And when it comes to being sporty or athletic, sadly I am a talented musician and my time as a child was spent attending operas and singing Arias as opposed to getting sweaty on a field. Not to mention I am the most accident prone person you will ever meet so allowing me to run or kick things was never a good idea.”

His response was just as douchey as I expected.

First he downed my team by saying watching the Grizzlies wasn’t watching real  sports. (I should have blasted his name all over facebook so we could run him our of our beloved Memphis with pitchforks for that horrible comment)

And then he went on to tell me that my parents should have pushed me to become an athlete because it would have made me more well rounded.

Have I mentioned we were talking for a good 30 minutes at this point?

How does he know if I am well rounded or not?

He went on to point out that HE was a college athlete and it really helped him in so many life ways that music certainly couldn’t have done for me.

I responded by saying “I guess I didn’t pass your test.”

He then proceeded to ask me out.

WTF?

Dude…. this is NOT happening.

I wrote him back, nicely declined his invitation and let him know I would be unmatching him immediately.

The search continues….

 

 

 

I Survived

Between the bridal showers, talks of weddings past and babies, the awkward single men and the drunken bouquet toss…. I survived the wedding I was in.


It wasn’t all that bad. The venue was gorgeous. This French Victorian House (Woodruff-Fontaine House in Memphis)  was the setting for the ceremony.


The back court yard was used as the location for the ceremony with the carriage house serving as the dining and dancing place.


I will say that having an outdoor wedding at the end of August is not suggested. We had to change out of our dress three times form the heat. I am surprised my makeup didn’t slip off my face at one point.


My friend was a beautiful bride. And they seemed so utterly happy. It was lovely and the best part was the ceremony lasted exactly 5 minutes!!

I had one of the best hair days of my life, and yes I did it myself. 🙂


I mostly enjoyed getting drunk at the reception and hanging out with some of my favorite people. Me, Kayla, and her husband even hit up Raifords afterwords for dancing and stealing other people’s shots.

All in all, it’s over it I am so glad I did it. I loved being there for my wonderful friend and being a part of her special day. It was beautiful all around and the happiness I saw was simply amazing.

I have a year to recover until my next gig as a bridesmaid. But I will be ready!

NYC, here I come! 

I cannot remember if I spoken of my upcoming trip to the big apple. But now that I have bought my plane tickets, there is no worry if it will happen!

It’s a short trip for my sister and I, but we plan on making the most of it. The prize event is seeing Hamilton on Broadway that Wednesday evening. I managed to get tickets a face value a few months back which sparked this trip. 

If any of you have been to NYC what must I see? 

It’s Been A While

I haven’t posted in a few weeks. Life has been too busy. With work trips, wedding shows, a bachelorette party, three dates I finally ended up crashing yesterday and not leaving the house at all.

I can’t say enough how happy I will be when August is over.

I have barely had time to work out, sleep, and keep up with friends.

I have gone on dates with three different men. And there has been a recurring theme in all of the dates.

I realize that in this day and age, society does put pressure on us to figure out ‘what we want to do with our live’ early on. And when it doesn’t work out when end up in the ‘quarter life crisis’ phase. All three of these men I went on dates with are at some  point in their crisis. Not happy with their current job and wanting to figure out what to do next. I went through something similar in my mid twenties but I made a decision to change industries, I didn’t just “talk” about it, which is what these guys are constantly doing. Just talking, no action.

I find it unattractive and I immediately seem to loose interest.

****

Side story:

Wednesday and Thursday evening I booked a hotel in Little Rock. I used Priceline’s “name your price” tool and ended up kind of sketchy area (never doing that again!) . The hotel had seen better days. When I figure pulled up I immediately thought that I had the wrong address. There were only two cars in the parking lot.

There was a man outside smoking and when I got out of my car he said “Are you staying here?” When I replied yes he seemed utterly excited and ran inside the building so he could be behind the counter by the time I got there. I noticed a news paper article that had been taped to the counter that stated the hotel had been purchased that day to be updated. And boy, did it need updating.

It looks like it hadn’t been touched since the early 90’s. I asked him if there were other guests and he said no, but not to worry. He put me in a nice suite on the 4th floor in a corner room. When I got on the elevator there was a taped handwritten sign that said not go on the 5th floor. And when I stepped off the elevator there was a warped mirror at the end of the hallway to greet me.

I basically felt like I was in the Twilight Zone or that I suddenly stepped into the last season of American Horror Show with the hotel theme. My room was adequate, minus the tv wasn’t even plugged in, there was chain on the door, and the toilet paper hotel broke the second I touched it.

There was only one person who appreciate this nonsense.

My ex.

I didn’t think about it. I didn’t over analyze my motives. I sent him a text explaining the situation and that he was the only person I could think to tell at the moment.

He didn’t answer right away. So of course I was slightly nervous… He waited a good two hours before responding, but agreed that he didn’t appreciate it. He asked how I ended up there and told me I needed to check the mattress to ensure no one was sewn up in it. We bantered back in forth for a few texts and then it was over.

There was no personal talk. No “how are you?” We just discussed the hotel and if I would be able to sleep or not.

I didn’t answer his last text, and left it at that. Surprisingly I was not upset afterwards. In fact it really helped me. I sense in the future I will be running into him, and although I do not believe he deserves my time, I don’t want to run away or appear like his presence will bother me. I must gain control of this situation and I feel like that was a good step forward.

I met a guy for drinks on Saturday and for the first time in a while I got butterflies. I doubt it will go anywhere. The guy is 26 and not from Memphis. But we did have a good make out session and that reminded me of being a teen. He had me laughing all night and I hope we go on a another date soon.

 

 

 

Richie Rich has Bad Teeth? 

I am tired of writing depressing posts. Back to story time!

***

Two weeks ago I met a guy on Bumble. Let’s call him “Rich”, because that is constantly what he implied he was. To start off with, I could tell from photos he was a smaller guy. Shorter than I usually go for and I honestly wasn’t attracted to him at all. I didn’t feel like he was coming onto me either but we did talk about logistics, since supposedly he owned his own company, ripe at the age of 27. Originally we were suppose to meet up twice to discuss my company possibly doing his companies’ customs brokerage services.

I thought, “yay! Sales lead from dating app! Can I put this on my report?”

Thankfully I withheld the info! 

Both times we were suppose to meet up, he either got too drunk and didn’t have a ride to the bar. Like I said, I never thought this was a date thing. 

 And… Let’s face it, I am 5’8 and curvy like a Karadashian. I don’t date short string beans. No offense to those men, but I’m attracted to those above a certain height that make me feel smaller because  I will never been small!

Anyway, on Saturday he is finally in my neck of the woods. So I drive over to meet him around three in the afternoon. Like I said… I wasn’t thinking this was a date but a networking get together. And I assumed he felt the same way from his cargo khakis shorts(men, NEVER wears these when meeting a woman for the first time), a ratty old American flag tee, and a torn Arkansas state baseball cap.

Isn’t it funny when  how we envision people in our heads, even their voices and we are DEAD WRONG?! 

This dude owns his own company but he sounded like one of my red neck cousins who has never left the county. He wouldn’t look me in the eye at first either and while I know my looks can be intimidating (other people’s words, not just mind) I found it odd that he was having issues with it. He bragged about buying a Porsche earlier in the week, but one of his front teeth had a brown spot on it. 

Things just didn’t make sense. And the more he told me about his company the more I realize he was full of shit. I humored him and listened but I had nothing to add to this conversation. He was trying to offer me a job at one point to which I told him he couldn’t offer me.

After two hours, I told him I needed to head back to my apartment. He asked if we could keep hanging out later on and began imply spending more time together. And that’s when I realized he thought this was a date!!

Like I said. He was my height but weighed probably 115 pounds and had a brown tooth. Like if you can afford a Porsche you can afford to get your teeth fixed! 

Did he think I was desperate? Or that I believed all his BS?

Rich continued to text me all night. He even asked “are we hanging out or can I make other plans?”

I was honest and said I was hanging out with other friends and wasn’t feeling up to a bender, which is what he wanted to do. I’m pretty sure all of this is what set me up to go head first into missing my ex. 

Insomnia part 2

I needed last night. I needed to cry and I needed to remember and I needed to miss him. 

I finally fell asleep around 2 am. Woke up at seven, showered and drove up to go to church with my mom. You see, today was the first Sunday she decided to go back to church since my stepfather died three months ago. I needed to be there to hold her hand, convince her not to make a spectical of herself, cry, pray and listen. I’m glad I was there. She managed very well considering it ended up being communion Sunday and the three of us always did that as a family.

There is a gaping hole in our family with my stepfather being gone. He really was a good sweet guy who loved my mother with everything in him. 

After church I drove to Ripley to have lunch with my sister. She begins another school year and I get to see her less and less now. After our fun visit I drove to see my father and his wife for just a bit. All in all it was a wonder Sunday, given the tears.

I only told one friend of my breakdown last night. She listened and had wonderful advice. She said, “That was a good thing. Now you can grieve the loss and begin to move on, while before you were still too angry.”

But I’m still angry. 

I feel relieved to be five months in.

But sad and angry still. 

It’s a Sunday night and I’m normally sound asleep at this hour. I find myself dreading the morning and dreading the week. I’m no longer crying; not sad in the moment. I just can’t settle my mind enough to turn it off.