The Divorced Dad # 1

I debated whether or not to write about this one. He caught me off guard last week and I have already discussed it with a few friends I have met on wordpress. But with nothing really else to write about, I have decided to divulge.

I had decided to give Bumble a try. I ran across his profile; every photo was him and two young sons. They were 11 and 8 and so I thought, that isn’t too bad. His profile said that he was just getting into dating, but looking for something serious, not a fling. He immediately message me. He told me he was a pharmacist but he also own two gyms and had his pilot liscense. I was aprehensive and asked him several questions about his children. I have never been against dating someone with kids, seeing as I am not in my early thirties and it is bound to happen. I am still not sure if I want kids of my own, but I wouldn’t discount someone just because they have kids. I look at my sister’s failed marriage as what happen when you are young and dumb. We change so much by the time we are in our 30s so it is bound to happen that people end up divorced.

For four days he actively pursuded me. He called and we spoke on the phone. I found his voice flirtaious and sweet and the way he talked about his kids was who I wish my sister did. He regard them as a burden but the best thing that came out of his failed marriage. He asked for us to meet for lunch on Saturday, but I was ready to meet this guy. The way I look at it is if we go ahead and meet, then I haven’t wasted too much time fantasying about how a person is. The reality hits for both of us.

I suggested coffee at Starbucks on Tuesday afternoon. We met and sparks flew. I was immediatly attracted to him and he seemed to have the same reaction to me. In person I asked how his relationship was with his ex wife. He spoke of how she cheated on him over two years ago and that they had been seprated since. I asked if there was any chance of reconciliation and he laughed at the idea. He said that they had both moved on. That although they were still business partners (own two gyms together) there was no “love” left. And he was ready to move on. I was sad when our date began to end but he immediately asked if we would still have lunch on Saturday. I was excited and said yes. We planned lunch and a walk downtown. He told me he wanted to kiss me, but I still had a cold and would wait.

He called me later that evening and I felt the butterflies rush in. I was really excited about this one. But I was painfully aware that he only began dating two months ago.

Wednesday and Thursday he still actively spoke to me all day. But by Friday the texts began to fade. I was working from home that day due to my illness getting worse but I accepted that he was busy flying to Little Rock to pick up his kids from summer camp. I thought “This will give us more to talk about on Saturday.”

Saturday morning comes and for the first time I didn’t get a sweet good morning message. By 11 I became concerned so I asked him if we were still on for lunch. He confirmed and said it would be either 12 or 1 because his ex had to come pick up the kids at his house. At noon he said it would be one. And by 12:30 he told me she still hadn’t showed up and he feared she had realized he was trying to move on with his life and decided not to come and get the kids. He said that they shared an icloud account still, and that it appeared to him that she could maybe see our messages.

He asked if I could wait, to which I responded that i was hungry and didn’t feel like waiting on day. But that we could reschedule when he knew he wouldn’t have his children. He apologized profusingly. I asked him to call me so we could discuss it not on text and he said he couldn’t.

This I find odd. If you know your ex wife can see your messages, why would you not want to call instead. He said he was on the phone with Apple trying to figure out how to make it so she couldn’t see their messages. I told him I was disappointed but I completely understood and requested he call me later on so we can figure out when to reschedule.

I haven’t heard from him since.

I hate this feeling of aniexty and rejection when I don’t even know why. What happened?

A friend told me he obviously isn’t over his ex. And that possibly he was using me as a way to gage her behavior.

Either way, i am not sure I will be dating another divorced dad again.

There is just way too much baggage to deal with, without a wife and kids, let a lone throwing that into the mix.

Back to square one.

 

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “The Divorced Dad # 1

  1. Over a decade ago I met this woman through an online dating site. We emailed for a while and decided to date. It went well, but she was obviously nervous. I thought it jitters about getting back into dating after getting divorced. But, then after a couple months she disappeared without responding to phone calls, texts, or emails. She popped up a few months later only to say that the divorced part was not really true, she was separated and living in another state, but she needed to end us to really finalize the divorce.

    Over the years since, I have noticed people will just disappear for no obvious reason. The easiest are after a first date. It shows they were not really interested in seeing where it would go with a second. The hardest was that first one where after a couple months she disappeared. I wondered what I had done wrong when really it was her trying to keep from dragging me through her mess. I guess.

    At least, that is my theory why people ghost us. They are trying to not hurt us by ending it. As anxiety prone as I am, it makes me spend far too much resources trying to figure out what I did wrong. Though, to be fair, I think even if they were direct, then I probably would spend far too much time on why anyway.

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