While taking a sabbatical from dating I decided to bring out one of my favorite books to read. The Five Love Languages for Singles by Gary Chapman. When dealing with people it is good to understand how they perceive love and give it. It has been a good two years since I read the book and given my singleness status yet again I decided I should brush up on my love languages.
I had already finished half of the book but it really has helped me see some mistakes I made on my past relationship. For one, my ex was into giving “gifts” and “acts of service” as a way to show love but wasnt into receiving them. When I tried cleaning his house for him he became very angry with me. When I bought him a meat hammer he seemed weary of the act, even though he often bought me presents and gave me flowers. He was peculiar to say the least.
I do exhibit some of this same behavior. While I am great at give affirmations to everyone around me, I find it awkward when people do it to me. I don’t need them to feel good, and I almost feel like people are trying to get something out of me by giving them. When I look back at our relationship and I see that this is probably how he felt about my actions even though I was doing them to show I cared.
Relationships are a tricky thing especially when one has such a hard time expressing themselves like my ex did. The more I think about it the more I can come to terms that until he learns how to express his feelings he will always end up in the same boat that we did. And this was not my fault. I tried to speak his love languages but he wasn’t aware.
I sometimes wish I could have left this book for him, but I know he wouldn’t have read it. Thinking it as some bull crap self help book and believe he was far above learning to express his feelings.
Have any of the rest of your read this book or others in the series? What love languages do you speak?
– Quality of time: I feel the most “loved” when people spend time with me. Just the act of being with my friends, family or significant other makes me all happy.
– Acts of Service: I appreciate when people go out of their way to do things for me, and often go out of my way for people because of this.