My crush was intensifying and his stares became more often. I could have my back turned to him and know that he was looking at me. It was almost like a game to me at this point. But it became even harder for me to talk to him. As the end of the semester approach and the seriousness that these were my last few months of possibility with him, I began becoming even more insecure.
One evening I found myself hanging out with the soccer guys again and this time, the Scotsman was there. If you remember, he was roommate with the Irishman. We were hanging out chit chatting when someone brought of my crush. I turned violent shade of red and The Scotsman asked what was up.
I leaned in and whispered, “Please don’t tell anyone, but I have had the biggest crush on The Irishman.”
“Yea, I know.”
I was shocked. How did he know?! I thought I was so cool with my superb acting skills. And never once did I tell the other guys.
“Wait, how do you know?”
He laughed and said, “Kiwi told us all months ago.” From back in AUGUST! It was now April! I wanted to kill him.
And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
If they all knew… then he must know too.
“Does he know?”
I could tell he didn’t want to hurt me. He paused and said “Yes, he knows.”
I felt like the air was taken from my lungs. So all this time, he knew and if he wasn’t making a move then he obviously didn’t feel the same. I felt crushed.
“He likes you. He talks about you from time to time, but he knows he isn’t staying here. There’s no need to start something up.”
I was given hope and then taken away. Me and Scotsman talked a long time that night. He knew his roommate very well and he let me in on some secrets. One, that the rumors were true about his ex dumping him and him vowing never to settle with a US girl again. And Two, that he was very shy and unless I just made a move it would never happened. The Scotsman thought he was mad for not trying to get me and they all knew he was crushing just as hard. But he had convinced himself there was no need to start it up.
We devised a plan. As the end of the year got closer a group of the guys who would be working soccer camps all summer (The Irishman included) would be moving to a house off campus. With 8 guys in one house there would bound to be parties. He knew his roommate wasn’t moving until later on in the summer, but if I hung out more, maybe he would let his guard down.
I finally had a good allied who knew inside Intel.
Me and my friends hung out there more and more. And sure enough, I spent more and more time with Irishman. He was still pretty quiet around me and I still caught him staring. In fact I have a great picture from my college graduation of him in the background staring at me. It still haunts me to this day.
I would be moving home for three weeks after this date only to return to my sorority house for the summer to finish up my internship. All the hang outs and scheduled meets up were leading to this one night. And I HAD to take my chance. But as I got ready for that, I got nervousness grew. What if he was like all of crushes I had in grade school. Once I got to know them, they weren’t as cool or as mysterious as I had envisioned in my day dreams.
When we arrived at the house the party was in full swing. Tons of people from all different cliques were at the house. It was most of everyone’s’ last night on campus. I went from room to room until I saw the Irishman in the kitchen. He was wearing a pair of weird sunglasses and seemed more at ease and carefree than I had seen him all year. He was drinking a beer and laughing with everyone. When I walked into the room he stopped talking. I asked how everyone was and where the beer was. I was pointed in the direction of the back porch.
A got out of there quick and there was the Scotsman. I was relieved to see him.
“I don’t think I can do this. Every time I walk into a room he doesn’t even talk.”
He began his pep talk. Reasons why I should do it and that this was my only shot. He would be returning to Scotland and couldn’t be my man on the inside. It was now or never.
“He doesn’t talk because he is just as nervous as you. The two of you are ridiculous. JUST DO IT!”
After a couple more drinks and more pep talking, I finally had worked up the courage to seek out my crush and declare my feelings. What is the worse that could happen? It would be the last time I saw him if it didn’t work out anyway. And I would finally know if this feelings and emotions were just in my head.
I went from room to room to room. Couldn’t find him. By this time it was around 1 in the morning.
He must have went home.
I ran into Kiwi on the front porch and he said “He’s in the parking lot waiting for a ride home.”
He was alone. Leaned up again a car. Waiting for a friend to take him back to campus.
I slowly made my way to him.
To be continued