My name is Mary Ruth, and am 31 years old, beautiful, talented, quirky, weird and very much SINGLE woman from nowhere TN. The story of my 31 years of singleness often comes up on a day-to-day basis. From strangers to family members, the fact that I have not tied down a husband or even a boyfriend past 10 months seems odd to everyone. “You are too intimidating!” “You’re very independent.” “You are sometimes too honest.” “You just haven’t found the right person.” “There is a special plan for you, my dear.”
I have heard it all, and then some.
The reality is, I am better off single. I have a new foundation and love for being alone thanks to become unaided again at the end of February. We were together for 10 months; I had accidentally moved in, and I thought our lives would be intertwined forever. We never fought, liked the same tv shows and movies and went about our days without conflict. I was happy. I thought I was happy. But I wasn’t myself either. I had become this insecure person, terrified that he would realize I wasn’t truly being myself, and slowly he did. Soon, it felt like we were 100 miles from each other even though we sat on the same couch. Before I knew, I was packing up my things and we were over.
At first I was hurt, angry, and felt like I messed up AGAIN. But the truth is, that I didn’t mess up. He did. He wanted to see me for something that I could never be, and although I did allow it, what he wants isn’t real. After months of soul-searching and dating a few other men, I have come to the conclusion I would rather just be by myself than date these men who have idealistic images of what their girlfriend/wife should be.
No longer will have to hear that his music is better than mine. No longer will I have to discuss what tv shows to watch, and which restaurants to eat at. I am going to live my life as if I just want to be alone, and no more trying to please a man that I am dating.
I have decided to document my time dating while trying to be alone. This is new for me, so will see where it goes and if it continues.
I’ll ask it again, join me on this crazy ride and let’s see how long we can stay on?